2007! My Year of Power and Glory! …(and my year of no house-help issues)

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Now I know this is long overdue, it’s been a while since I have had internet access so y’all should forgive me. I think this is going to be a great year for us all. Amen!

The thing is, I don’t even know what to write about, now let me think …oh I know …MY HOUSE-HELP!

You know how it is, once you have kids, house-help or nanny issues will always come up. I have heard so many horror stories, like one whose 3 year old son was being sexually abused by her 14 year old help or another one who poured acid on her madam. Or the one who uses the water she washes her undies with to wash their sons plate or puts it in the family meal? How about my friend who found out that her husbands relative who lived with them was a pimp and prostitute?

Personally, I am tired of house-help drama, when I had my first son my mum-in-law got me someone. Nwanne claimed to be 18 but I guessed she would be 21, however she was actually 26 (my age at the time). I really didn’t care about her age as long as she behaved. She was quite good, hardworking and smart, and she was great with my son.
After 18 months, I was due to have another baby so I travelled out with my older son and enrolled Nwanne in a catering school and when I returned 3 months later I met a different person. She obviously had met people who told her she was too fine to be a help.

Anyway, as soon as I got back she told me she wanted to leave; she explained she wanted to go to school and her brother had offered to train her. I knew it was a lie, if she had a brother who could take care of her and send her to school why would she be a house-help in the first place? At that point I was ready to let her go, but because she was so diligent my husband suggested we send her to school instead.

She went to school for 6 months and then at Christmas told me she wanted to go home for 2 weeks. No problem. Only that instead of going home, she stayed in Abuja and my friend spotted her in the market the next day looking like a whore. So that was how Nwanne left.

It was tough with two little kids …my goodness that girl really spoilt me! I was a mess!

After that I got a 12 year old who I sent home the next day … I wasn’t ready to be a mother of a pre-teen. I mean, a 12 year old (who looks and behaves 9) hasn’t finished taking care of herself let alone look after your kids.

I then got a girl from the north who stayed 3 days and then decided my kids cried too much and left. At that point. I had had it! I was so frustrated.

So I just chilled and bore my cross until my aunt brought in Lois. Nice girl but lazy as hell and boy can she lie!
She’s been with me now for about a year and I am thinking of sending her away. Why? I just found out through my cousin who came on hols that:

  • she’s been beating my kids; she beats (not smacks, but beats viciously) the 3 year old with slippers or her knuckles for not wearing his pants properly or some other stupid reason, and the 18 month old for pooping in his diapers.
  • My neighbour told me she saw her beating my 3 year old one night
  • She brings out the beast in me I have beaten her several times over lies she tells
  • She watches movies all day and then tells my son to lie that they have been watching cartoon network when I get home or she will beat him.
  • She lies all the time; even denied the beating the kids until she saw she couldn’t bully my cousin into retracting what she had seen.
  • I buy her stuff and she complains how she gets cheap ugly stuff while all my kids stuff are nice things my relatives in the states sends (this is a girl who came with 3 clothes of which have been turned into rags and 3 sizes too small. Now she has a big ghana-must-go bag of clothes).
  • She eats my kids food and tells them to come and ask me for SFC (our own KFC) so she can scrounge them, meanwhile whatever I buy for these kids, I buy for her o! I let her eat whatever she wants; in fact my aunt who brought her was amazed at how much weight she had put on.
  • She is sooo lazy! always watching TV and expects so much from me. Meanwhile I send her to school and take care of her every need and more!

What do y’all think? Should I send her away or am I being petty? She has begged that she will change; maybe she will never beat the kids again (maybe) but I don’t think she can change her lazy ways. I have a house keeper who comes in and;

  • bathes the kids
  • cleans the house
  • washes their clothes
  • prepares their lunch.
  • and goes to the market

so you see all the girl does is stay with the kids if we go out at night or weekends and helps in the kitchen, runs errands, and makes me shout a lot!

I need your advice, because I need peace this year!

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29 Comments

  1. You need to give her the boot!
    Especially if you are not happy with her services. You had better so no need to settle for less. Keep looking for the one who will get the job done how you want them to and who will tend to the children with TLC. It will be well worth the wait. Don’t worry, you’ll find the right one.

  2. chioma..na waoooo..househelp wahala.. not funny at all… i hope u make the right decision….God dey

    happy new year…are u coming this way soon… i need ankara outfit..we need to talk …will email u …

    this is njideka o

  3. I agree witl lady a, u reali need to let her go this minute. How can she be beating those innocent kids and teaching them to lie. Is not as if she works very hard. U dont even know the other things she does while u r not around. Pls she shld go immediately. God will send u someone better.

  4. i’m so glad you were able to put up a post(so we know you’re alright).. but whao… I didn’t know housegirls could be that horrific… send her packing mami before she causes damage to your children and we wouldn’t want you to have high blood pressure just because of a househelp… dang… I really didn’t know some ousegirls packed this much drama!

  5. I may not be a mother yet but personally, I don’t think I will like to have a househelp who stays in my house. If there’s one that can come in when I need her it will be better, let us just say, more of a baby sitter.
    We should even start paying out your sister, or cousins to take care of our kids. Believe me, they will be happy to do it.

  6. Babe, honestly the beating thing is just too mad..how can she be beating those cute little boys? In my humble opinion you need to find someone else but then I dont know too much about these things.

  7. thanks guys,missed u too ONB.The problem is that i am beginning to feel sorry for the girl, she seems really sorry and all. However I am almost sure that once time has passed she will start being herself. 9ja sisters and cousins? men the world has changed i have 3 sisters but they are all over the world so none of them can really help.When I was growing up my mums sisters were always there so no househelp could maltreat us. I am looking for a replacement seriously please pray for me, I pray i get someone good.thanks

  8. abeg sack her…what nonsense..is it until she does something fatal like beating ur kids till she does irreparable damage that u will realise that she is no good?WHAT DEMON POSSESED HER IN THE FIRST PLACE TO BE BEATING TODDLERS FOR FUCKS SAKE.i can give you horror stories of houselhelps and how they are all “sorry” when they have been caught out..then they vent out on the kids at a later date.
    abegiii sack the useless girl…

  9. I stumbled onto your blog today and it’s so refreshing to read a blog of a Nigerian professional lady who’s married with children!

    Being married with a 3-year old son, I can definitely identify with your problem with househelps etc. I too have heard a lot if horrific stories and I have an issue with my nanny who I am 100% certain has been the one stealing from my suitcase . Somehow she must have crammed my combination lnumbers and simply helped herself. I finally set a trap for her 2 days ago, counted the money in my suitcase, recorded it and wrote down the numbers I had scrambled on teh suitcase. I didn’t tell anyone. Last night, returned from work and noticed at once the numbers had changed, meaning someone had opened my suitcase and when I counted the money, 4K had disappeared in total from 23 envelopes, one of which was clearly bearing someone else’s name. It’s not the amount stolen but the sheer greed AND wickedness. Naturally she denied it etc. I told her this morning the 4k will be deducted from her salary. My husband has stated the decision as to whether or not ro sack her was mine…

    It’s such a shame because she’s only been with me since October and is deligent and good with my son. The one prior to that had HIV (please go test all your domestic staff, especially with kids), after working for me for aolmost 1 year, I was shocked and had to let her go). Anyhoo, this current nany is good with my son and you know how difficult it is to get reliable people. What beats me is that all the suspicions I had had about theft since December were not figments of my imagination, even the 10k neatly stolen from my suitcase. The nanny had simply been helping herself, in spite of the 13th month Decemeber bonus and treating her when she was ill at a private clinic (my husband thought I was nuts)etc. Plus she has a daughter in teh village….. Dunno why or HOW she could be so daft as to jeopardise all that…

    Anyway, I decided to pray about it and have told God 2 give me a sign – if I return home this evening and she confesses, is contrite, state what the money she stole was for and how much she has taken to date and how she somehow got the combination to my suitcase and promises not to steal again – I will keep her but will henceforth watch her with eagle eyes. However, if I ask her and she denies it and prefers to be sacked rather than own up, she gets her salary today minus the 4k she stole and it is good riddance. I will aslo make good my threat of informing the recruiting agency I used to hire her….

    Long comment eh? My advice to you -pray about it and do what your spirit decides….

  10. I want to thank you all for your comments.
    I have prayed and sought counsel and as crazy as this may seem i have decided to give her one more chance.I wil give her a probation period of 2 months.
    She has begged me and seem genuinely remorseful.Already she has become much more diligent with her chores and she isn’t bad with the kids. My theory is that she probably saw she could beat my sons and get away with it so she did..I will keep my eyes on her.
    LM i am sure you know how hard it is to find decent help, I started interviewing some people yesterday and one of the girls looks like a hooker. I pray I am doing the right thing, she really wants to stay so I doubt she will jeopardise her stay again.
    LM i appreciate your perspective as a young working mum,thanks.My friends driver also steals from her. When she goes to pick the kids she leaves her bag in the car and he helps himself.. Now she doesnt want to sack him cus he is the best driver she has had.What she has done now is let him know she is on to him, and she doesnt leave her bag in the car. My advice let your girl realise you know what she is up too and then always lock up your stuff.If she is penitent then maybe you should give her a chance.Just yesterday a lady hired someone who stole 1.5 mill from her! and she got her through an agency.
    I (and several other people)have given her a sound warning..one part of me says ‘leopards never change their spots’ ..but another part says “what if the next one is worse” and what if she really does change.i know she isn’t a bad person, she just wasn’t well raised but since if she is willing to learn and make amends let me just watch her.I also have to really make my kids close to me so that they tell me whenever they are not being treated properly.

  11. Chioma, I was not aware you had updated..that’s why I am leaving my own comment just now. As I read your post, my heart sank to my knees.

    My daughter is just over a year old and from before she was born, I had been desperately looking for a nanny. I finally got one that started work on the 6th of January, 2007.

    She’s very hardworking and the house shines. However, she does not play with my daughter and actually complains that she “disturbs”. I hate hearing that word used in the same sentence as my daughter’s name as I know that by their very nature children will be children and will “disturb”. Today, my daughter did something (tore the cover of my magazine) and I verbally reprimanded her. Nanny dearest told me that if it had been my younger sister, she would have smacked my daughter. An invitation for me to do the same. I just eyed her. for me, that was a sign that she might take it upon herself to help me “discipline” my child if she had the opportunity.

    Luckily for me, my mum bundles nanny and child with her to her shop everyday so my baby is constantly watched. (When I am home, they stay at home with me). Not up to 2 weeks after this chic started work, my mother noticed that she was missing some money. She confronted the girl who naturally denied. All I could think of when I was told was “Here we go again”. I have to get a new nanny.

    On the case of your Lois, I seriously implore you to start making alternative plans. Maya Angelou said “IF SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM”. It is highly unlikely that this girl has changed. Please don’t wait till it’s too late before you remove Miss toxic from your children. She has actually already touched your children. We all know and agree that a man that will beat his wife once will do itt again and again and again. Why do you think it will be different with Lois?

    Acho hom e gu na omere ihe ojo down the line o!

    I am solidly with excessive diva.

    P:S @9ja opeke: Have you read what Naijadude’s Uncle did to him from the age of 6? No-one can be trusted, difficult as it may seem.

  12. @in my head and around me… thanks dear.really..I am still looking for someone else with one eye..but i think it was the girl that came yesterday that scared me..the girl looked like an asewo.. Until the bubble burst I felt this girl was lazy and immature bur always said to myself ” at least she is good to the kids”. so when i found out she wasn’t good I decided she had to go..The houskeeper knelt down and begged me not to send lois home “aunty you want her to go to the village and spoil” (how dat one concern me?)…She begged me to give her another chance. My mum (the girl is from my mums town) was enraged cus she know how wretched this girls family is..and she agreed with me.
    However, soon my mum started asking me to give her one more chance. I know leopards don’t change their spots..but supossing she changes for real?
    “Acho hom e gu na omere ihe ojo down the line o!” Nne i just pray nothing bad happens.Like I said i am still making alternative plans and keeping an eye on this one. i don’t leave her with kids alone at all..and miraculously she has been doing all her chores without my talking.Unluckily for me my dh is a neat freak he likes his house spic and span(and is too spoilt to do anything) so that why I have one live in and a housekeeper. I really cant wait for my kids to grow so i that all this things wouldn’t be issues.
    I am actually working on getting a girl who lived with my friend..she was quite good but she was very lonely (the baby was at daycare till 5) so after christmas she refused top return. Her brother has told me she may want to stay with me and will talk to her, but supposing she isn’t good either? or she may be good and decide my house is lonely too. Anyway i will continue to seek God face and listen to wise counsel from you guys. She is in school and before this term is over I would have taken a decisive stand.
    ps@excessive diva..your blog reads like a novel!

  13. Get a new one, i cant even begin to gist you about househelps.

    There was the one that decided to throw my baby brother in the air at the exact time the ceiling fan was on……….lets just say he had to get his head stitched

    There was one that claimed not to speak any english………..only for her to steal almost every valuable thing in our house…………we later caught her & found out that she could speak fluent english & yoruba

    There was one who used to do “fashion parade” with my clothes anytime i wasnt home…………..

    I could go on & on……..

  14. I understand your decision and yes, some hosehelps are devils etc. and God forbid that we are saddled with some like the ones Justme described. If you are not getting rid of her, your new approach is definitely the only way to go. Watch her like a hawk and as much as possible, ensure that your mum or someone older is present. The frightful thing though is that if they misbehave when there is constantly being watched, what happens when they are alone….. God help us all!

    As for me, my nanny called me on Saturday morning to apologise and to beg me to take her back (they always realise their errors 24-48hrs later), after she had denied stealing the money etc. She sounded remorseful etc. but wasn’t willing to admit it. After discussing with my husband, I called her again and asked her WHY she did it (not if) and she finally confessed that her daugher who lives with her mum in the village had chicken pox, was very ill etc and she needed the money, was too afraid to ask etc. She confessed to have stolen 12k in two separate occasions, 8k the first time and the 4k when I set the trap for her. When I asked how she managed to open my combination-lock suitcase, she said I had once opened the suitcase in her presence (I cringe at my foolishness) and forgot to scramble the numbers. After I left, she had simply helped herself and concealed the numbers… Because she is good with my son, seemed remorseful and her elder brother begged on her behalf, we have decided to give her another chance. I have however changed my combination numbers and will call her today to tell her to start again tomorrow. No more niceties. Trust has been violated so she will need in really prove herself in the next few months. I intend to put the fear of God into her and will threaten her that if she did it again, the police will pick her up immediately (they all fear the police). She is very lucky my parents told me to forgive her and not to deduct the 8k she told initially from her salary since she was a single mother etc. Of course I paid her on Friday and immediately deducted the 4k she stole. The silly gal did not even tell her brother and had the gall to beg me not to report her to her elder brother. I couldn’t believe my ears since it was partly because of the way the brother begged (he didn’t even know the story) that made me re-consider. Of course I called her brother immediately and told him and told her to confess everything. The shame of it all should keep her in check. I am going to let her stew in her own juice and will not call her until tonight to tell her she’s got her job back. However, if I find out she didn’t tell her brother anything by this evening, that’s it, I won’t take her back. Liars are worse than remorseful thieves!

    A few tips, which my husband done me:

    – Never reveal where you store your money to anyone; always lock up the door, retrieve your money and give to whomeevr

    – Because someone hasn’t stolen, doesn’t mean that they wont if there is an opportunity. The best we can do is not to give them the opportunity to steal. Also those who don’t like to give you your change and whom you always have to remind…..beware!

  15. LM Hope you and your family are well.. I agree with your husband entirely, like my sister always says don’t leave room for temptation..Lock your room up and don’t give them access to your valuables.
    I hope she behaves..As for me,though i have decided to keep lois ..I am still seeking Gods face.
    The girl that stayed with my friend(who my friend says was great)just called this evening to say she wants to come and work for me. I will watch and pray.If she is going to be better than lois then God will make a way for me.
    May God help us as we raise these kids…ps what do you think about people taking nanies and the like for deliverance?
    @just me..I hear you and I really hope
    this girl changes her ways..It just a case of the devil you know.I mean supposing she is really penitent and then i get another girl who is a demon!

  16. I just can’t stand the fact that she beat ur kids up…I am not a mother yet but I won’t allow any one beat my sons…they are not the ones that carried these babies in their wombs for 9 GOOD MONTHS! Oh Lord, I feel like crying. Who gave her the audacity?

    I wish I could come up with something, but everyone else made sensible comments, but it looks like u’re a very busy lady so I can’t say “NO HOUSE-HELPS,” can I? Is there a way you can put them in kindergarten or one of these play houses before u’re done with work? Or do u finish work very late at night? What about ur husband?

    I know u’ve prayed already…but I wanted to add that u shouldn’t quit calling God to direct ur steps in the way u organize ur family…basically for more wisdom, He’s the only One that can really tell u what to do…

    Left to me, I would send that girl away very fast, because I’ve heard of so many infant RAPES, and if that girl can beat ur kids, then she can also do the worst…but it won’t come to that in Jesus Name, Amen.

  17. We are well, thanks. Keep the other girl in mind, just in case. However, please find out how she behaved when she lived with your friend. If she is so good, how come she disn’t continue working for your friend?

    I am still in shock at what Jaycee said – infant rapes! How depraved are some people? God have mercy!

    I actually forgot to address the issue of anyone other than the parents smacking (not to talk about BEATING) your kids. It’s a no-no for me. A 28 yeal old close cousin of mine with 3 boys; the last being some 8 months, immediately fired her nanny who smacked her 3 year old son. I was there and it was a light smack but I told my cousin since she had warned the nanny well in advance and she was immediately given the boot; no stories. She doesn’t tolerate stuff and has braved it for a while, she’s gotten a new nanny. She is a professional Engineer who works in an oil company so it wasn’t easy. I have warned my nanny before hiring her about smacking, as well as relatives etc. They could out him in a corner and scold him but never smack. (Never mind I definitely do that to my son who has now started fighting me, as in fighting and kicking, bitting and pinching! Sometimes I laugh when I discipline him because he looks so funny!) I was broght up with sufficient discipline so while I might smack my son, someone else dpoing so (other than spouse)is a no-no for me….

    Still you are the mother and know what’s best for your children and praying for wisdom etc is the way to go.

    As for taking your nannies for deliverance – I would if I had suspicions, proof or have seen some disturbing behaviour. Actually if the case is bad, the nanny goes… I too have heard about nannies/househelps being (and this was someone close to my cousin) witches so I kid you not!

    My nanny resumed work today, very humble, eager to work and all. I made her apologise to my mum for stealing PLUS she will go see the lady of the agency from where she was employed. Couple with changing my combination numbers and her elder brother knowing bout the incident, the girl will be too shamed to wnat to try stealing again. And I certainly will remove all temptations form her path…

  18. Thanks jaycee..it won’t come to that..Amen..I am definetly still seeking Gods face.
    I really don’t think she is bad/evil.I mean you need to see how my older son went to hug her when she came in from school today, and she know how to play with them.Maybe she wasn’t raised properly and is so lazy that she beats the kids when they give her more work..eg changing diapers..or teaching them to lie so they dont give her away when she is watching the wrong stuff.
    My friend says I sound like a battered wife making excuses for an abusive husband, but what if? One part of me says she can’t change and another part says she can..(i know i have issues!)
    I am still talking to God and like LM will ask for a sign.
    Meanwhile my friends ex-nanny just called me.My friend says she was really God and that when she was going home for Christmas she(the nanny) told her she woudn’t return because,
    she was really lonely(My friend doesnt get home till about 5 with her baby). Also she wasn’t allowed to go out at all or visit her brother who lived in town last easter along with a few other things.I have told her to be on stand by cus I can send for her anytime.
    As for beating, its not allowed, btu when I tell people oh she beats my kids (especially older folk) they make it seem like I making much ado about nothing…so I have been wondering! Discipline should left to the parents..I don’t mind my mum spanking but thats it. Noo this girl knew it was not allowed and there were a few times he told me she beat him and she would deny it and say ..”no I just scolded him”..Stupidly I believed her (cus you know these kids even if you frown at them they say you beat).. them…so once she saw I would take her word over my sons she felt safe..meanwhile my son would see me not scolding her and have her threatening him and not tell me anything. I am really working on my relationship with my kids so they know how much I love them and that they can tell me anything.
    I wish I had just sent her away immediately (its easier)..now after all the begging and repentance..i feel wicked for wanting to send her home.

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  20. Hello Chioma,

    This issue could be never-ending 🙂 the good thing in your case is that you have back-up; at least let ur nanny know that one false move and she’s out cos tehre was someone who wants to work for you. Then watch her. AT least if she eventually give her the boot, you don try!

    After my son accurately informed me that my nanny had opened my suitcase (and then proceeded to steal), I now take the 3-year old seriously and don’t dismiss his reports (which he offers without prompting). Kids are wiser than we often give them credit for.

    Cheers!

  21. I know..enough of this already! i want to thank you all for your comments. I have really pondered on all your good advice and I still pray for Gods guidance.
    I know I am going to send her away eventually but just want to give her the benefit of the doubt.I wont give her the opportunity to beat my kids but one slip up(and she will slip up) and shes put..that way no one can say i didnt give her a chance. Thats the disadvantage of this village moves..if she wasn’t from my town nobody would be making a case for her.
    My friend highly recommends her nanny so once I send this girl I will take her on(hopefully she will still be there).
    believe me these kids are smarter than we give them credit for.My friend told me that even when we know they are exaggerating always check up on what they tell you, theres always truth in it and your kids have that confidence that you will always believe them.God bless you all

  22. One last comment… Cut her loose fast! Don’t give her another opportunity to do the same things and worse… I also had a help from Hell who poured hot water on my little girls face Blogged about it in December)… keep looking till you see the right one… God bless..

  23. thanks for coming by nyemoni..your commenst are most welcome. Read your blog ..that must have ben a horrific experience.Thank God she has healed well.

    Thanks so much for your advice..the girl is still in my house..and sometimes just seeing her annoys me..She si going out of her way to be hardworking and diligent..but the isue of beating remains.I mean she may stop for now(cus she wants to stay) and resume the beating later. I cant explain it but its so easy to feel sory for her..i eman heres a pleasant girl from a poor home in yout town..you want her to help you and you will train her…and then she messes up big time. I just feel bad that she may never have a chance to better herself. As silly as it may sound i am trying to convince my aunt who lives alone to take her (at least no kids to beat) but if she doesnt then I will send her home once her school is on mid term..someone said i should continue to threeaten to sen dher home and she will behave,,but waht kind of life is that..how can i be continually thratening someone? I think the fact that she is lazy is enough to send her talkless of all her atrocities..She is really making a huge effort to please me.I see her play with the kids(she has always done that) and i think “gosh maybe she won’t ever beat them.. but then I think what if i can get someone better..someone dedicated and also kind to my kids.My husband is like “send her away if u like but dont regret it later when the next person u get is worse”..Infact just last week my cousin (who exposed her) told me that whenever she came on weekend to my house this lois girl would beat my then 2+ son for wetting the bed or not wanting to read abc(imagine) and it was always with either a ruler or shoes..and in the most vicious manner..of course lois tells me she was just trying to train him (imagine)…alot of my family memeber make it seem like I am making a big deal out of nothing, and that the girl seems repentant and willing to change(true)..but the truth was just I was just managing her laziness cus i thought she was good with my kids..only to discover this? necessary evils indeed..I am going to interveiw somoene this weekend..please wish me well

  24. Thanks for visiting my blog. I love yours! I now know what you meant about you having your fair share of nanny woes. Having read the comments here, some nannies are clearly demons. With regards yours, somethings should be a sackable offence. Beating the children is one!

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