No. I ain’t talking about the latest Gucci or Chloe purse.
Let me refer you to Naija Dictionary for beginners
Handbag (hănd’băg’) pronunciation
1. A woman that a man picks up at a party or wherever
2. A woman that a man takes to a party or wherever
NOTE: This woman is never one’s spouse or steady girlfriend just a girl on the side.
I mean the whole thing is getting annoying. You see a man enter a club and he leaves with a handbag for an unknown destination. The more stories I hear the more disgusted I get. Recently, I heard about an Abuja “big boy” (that’s what they call popular guys) who went to a club with 2 handbags, I guess he was planning a menage a trois (lol! I know I spelt it wrong), anyway, his fiancee’s sister was also there and called her sister to come and see how her husband to be was fooling around with these young girls.
The fiancee who is also a “big girl” stormed into the club and asked her husband to be what he was doing with these whores, as soon as she said that one of the girls got up and gave the girl a hot slap. “who you calling a whore you bitch”.
You could have heard a pin drop in the club. The whole club grew quiet and everyone waited to see what the assaulted lady’s man would do. The guy stood up and told his handbag to take it easy and then looked at the girl he was going to marry in about a month and said “why did you come here to allow yourself be messed up? Go home and wait for me”. They exchanged a few words but eventually she left with her head tucked under her wing. Guess what? They still got married and the pictures where all over several naija mags.
A few years ago “big mans” son and “big mans” daughter got married it was a massive wedding. The next week thieves went to the house and beat up the new bride, where was her husband? Rocking a popular Lagos club.
I know several couples who rocked with their husbands while they were still dating but once they marry they sneak out and leave madam at home. Why? I mean, some of these wives are hot (although some men give the daft excuse that their wives have added too much weight and so on) and anyone would be proud to take them anywhere but they must stay at home while oga looks for another babe to rock. A friend of mine tried clubbing with her husband and he kept on giving her excuse after excuse until one day he blurted out “I can’t do it; you’re my wife. The mother of my kids! I cant take you to a club”. “But we always went clubbing together” she asked in shock. “It was different then, you were my babe now you’re my wife” he said. Me I don’t get that, do you?
Just recently, another friend in the States told me what happened to one of the Nigerian big boys in her area. He was one of the upwardly mobile guys in town and quite popular. He got married to a quiet girl he met in church, after a few weeks of marriage she took in and that was the beginning of the end. He stopped spending time with her and never took her out his excuse being that “I don’t want you to go out because it may affect the babies (they were expecting multiples)”. When the babies were born it was even worse. He complained about their incessant crying and would go out at night to have some “peace”. One night he never came home. You see, he was in bed with his Jamaican girlfriend when a guy who claimed to be her boyfriend stormed in and killed him right there. As if that wasn’t bad enough, his wife found out the jamo girl was pregnant for her late husband.
Another guy I know was sleeping with his wife’s friend right under their roof. No one suspected anything because the girl was pretty close to his wife and at a point had even lived with the couple.
I could go on and on, the stories are just to much. Some of them just have flings with these girls, while some of them get hooked and have long term affairs. Like my family friend who was in the habit of changing handbags. He always told the girls that he loved his wife and daughter to bits and was just looking for fun. A few years ago he met Moni* now this girl knew he was a good catch and went to her juju man for some help. Today, Moni is pregnant and his wife who just found out is threatening to leave with their daughter.
The average Nigerian woman expects her husband to cheat. Just before I got married, a male family friend told me to accept that my husband would have affairs. “Chioma, you women expect us to have affairs but get angry when we do, just accept it because every normal man will have flings”. I don’t agree and I don’t accept infidelity. As far as I am concerned it is very possible (maybe hard, but possible) not to cheat on your wife. Just last week we were talking about polygamy in my office when someone said it was better for men to marry their girlfriends rather than keep them outside. Mr. Acha, a born- again christian said he disagreed as he personally hadn’t slept with anyone apart from his wife in their 12 marriage. According to him “she doesn’t quite believe me, but I am not doing it just for her I am also protecting myself (spiritually and physically). From the moment I got married, I made up my mind to remain faithful to her. After all, what can anyone else give me that she can’t?”
However, the number of ‘born-again” men (and women) having affairs is astounding. At a couples retreat a few years ago, one married man who came alone asked the pastor “please sir, can you tell me practically how I can stay faithful to my wife, because I just can’t seem to stay away from these small girls”. Another young man complained how an elderly client of his (works in a bank) was offering him a large amount money to start an affair with her, meanwhile him and his wife were having accommodation problems.
A lot of people talk about the 10 year itch when men start to stray. Today, what we have is the one week itch. People have parties and if you bring your wife there you will look foolish because everyone has a handbag. So the next time there’s a party, you’ll tell your missus you’re just going to watch a match at *Diran’s house, but as soon as you step out of the house, you give your latest acquisition a call “hello babes, will pick you up in 10 mins”.