This month is dedicated to food and relationships and one aspect of relationships that has caused a lot of pain is infidelity even in marriage!
Marriage is an Institution where Mutual Fidelity is preached and expected. However the phrase “forsaking all others” has been ignored by many and infidelity has wrecked many marriages. Despite the high toll it takes on marriages many men (and women) still indulge in extra-marital affairs. In fact in this part of the world some women are convinced that most if not all men cheat at some point in their relationships. It isn’t too clear why many have reached this conclusion; perhaps the women with this belief have all been victims of male cheaters at one point or the other. It may also mean that men are less discreet about their affairs and are more liable to confess and or more liable to be caught than women. In fact it may just be a case of women being more adroit in the fine and risky art of cheating since they are rarely caught, who knows?
Whatever side of the divide you may be on it is agreed by most that for some reason men seem to more easily fall prey to extra-marital affairs. To help us understand why this happens I asked 4 married men from different walks of life for their views on WHY SOME MARRIED MEN CHEAT.
Mr A is businessman based in Lagos
In my opinion one of the major reasons some men engage in such risky behavior is the lack of exciting sex at home. Some men are bored and want more sex or more interesting sex and rather than take the time to tell their wives what they want they decide to go outside.
Also, for some men it’s all about ego, they want to know that they can still get an attractive lady especially one who has been playing hard to get. For such men they want to know they still “have it”. Personally, I doubt men cheat for companionship and unlike women very rarely will a man start out having an emotional affair, it usually starts and ends with sex. Also, I know many men who just date other ladies to show off to their friends. It’s almost the same way they show off a new car, if they have friends who have hot girlfriends they will want to show that they too have a their own hot babe. However, at the end of the day for most men cheating is just a personal choice. It’s hardly ever the woman’s fault as there are some men who while being married to a gorgeous woman who is great in bed and is an awesome companion and home keeper will still decide to cheat just to show off to his friends.
I will conclude by saying that while some say women need to do more to keep their man the truth is that the only thing that can keep a man away from illicit sex is his own self discipline.
Mr B is public servant based in Abuja
I believe one of the top reasons men stray is when the woman gets unfriendly and starts to nag; this leads her husband to stay outdoors more and inadvertently pushes him straight into the hands of other ladies. Another factor is when the woman becomes complacent and stops looking after herself, due to the visual nature of men this may influence her husband into looking elsewhere for stimulation. Yet another factor which may make a man stray is when his wife gets overly suspicious or starts accusing him; this may just make him feel he might as well get adventurous by flirting with other ladies.
However, as far as I am concerned one of the main reasons is peer pressure, if a man’s circles of friends are all cheating then he will most likely do the same. Another important factor that contributes to infidelity by both parties is lack of communication. A couple should be able to talk easily with each other on any issue, once you start in confiding in the opposite sex then a physical affair can easily follow. Lastly, another factor is lack of exciting sex, if a man in the quest for more adventurous sex finds a willing party outside he could easily get hooked.
Mr C is a Telecomms consultant based in Lagos
I believe that some men choose to philander out of peer pressure or due to incessant nagging from their wives. However to be honest for most philandering men they have no reason whatsoever they just like to cheat. They may be married to be most beautiful women in the world but will still want to stray. That’s why I always advise my female friends not lose sleep when their spouses have affairs but rather they should focus on raising good children and looking after their homes and themselves. This is because in my opinion there are some men who will always stray no matter how pretty their wife is or how good she is in bed, in fact the men with the prettiest wives cheat the most.
Mr D works in the Oil and Gas Sector and is based in Lagos
From what I have observed these are the most popular reasons men have extra-marital affairs.
Firstly, there is a scenario where a woman selects a man, targets him and seduces him. Usually this is very difficult for any man to resist, hence King Solomon’s advice to men to jump out of the window when a woman comes into his home to seduce him. Don’t stay and try to bind and cast just make a run for it. Another reason some have affairs is lack of communication, many couples do not share what ‘turns them on’ or simply do not communicate how they like sex, so end up going outside out of frustration.
Also, some women have no idea how to give their husbands pleasure. It’s important to pay attention to how his body reacts during sex as this may guide you on what your spouse actually wants, this applies to both partners. There is also some measure of satisfaction to be gotten when your spouse enjoys a sexual act you are performing even though you may not be getting as much pleasure. Therefore learning to pleasure your spouse will give him less reason to stray.
Another thing that causes some men to stray is when their wives bruise their egos. Men have huge egos that need regular massages; this is something the “other woman” knows how to do very well. Even if your husband is doing something wrong in bed or in any aspect of life a woman should learn how to correct them without bruising their ego, for a start never criticize them in the middle of the act as this can completely deflate a man. Wives therefore need to learn to humor their husbands by allowing us to bask in this grand illusion of being ‘in-charge’ as this may be one of the keys to a happy marriage.
A people reason some men stray is when their wives stop looking after their appearance. Women need to realize that men are visual and need to do their best to remain attractive to their husbands by taking care of their bodies. Another factor that may inadvertently lead a man outside is boring sex. Women should learn that variety is the spice of life and should not be too shy to experiment. Women should try having sex in different locations – car, outdoors, office, etc, or different sexual positions and sometimes different ways. Women should also never shy away from initiating the act. Every man wants to feel desired and this is something the women outside have understood. Having said all this I believe that at the end of the day no man is configured to cheat. It’s simply just a case of a society that has made it easier for men to get away with such behavior. Any man or woman can choose to stick to their partner for the rest of their lives if he chooses to.
Interesting views from these men, now why do you think men or women cheat? I would love to hear your views!