Finding Yourself After Motherhood – Mine Ujam

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Mother’s Day  was celebrated in many parts of the world recently and I hope you all had a really special day! Well today we have a guest post from the pretty Mine Ujam. She speaks about learning how to find yourself after you become a mother.

I am going to be brutally honest here. If you have not heard it before, you heard it first here!
You will never ever be the same again the minute you bring a child into this world. I’m sorry to break this wonderful life changing news to you. So, should you be hopelessly in love with yourself right now and content with your present life without a nuclear family, childbirth, motherhood and family life are not yours. So don’t delve, don’t ask and you don’t need to know. Live in peace with yourself and live life to the fullest. There is much to be said for those who also make such a decision in life. One is not better than the other. They are just different ways of expressing life or living and what counts is how you live it.
My usual style would be to stick to the path of preparedness which is by no means a rule anyone must follow except if it works for you. This was the first lesson I wish I had learnt before somersaulting into motherhood. I landed on my two feet eventually and thankfully but the first question I asked myself was, ‘what did I just do to myself?’ I found me in a Brexit situation – Buying into an idea without knowing what the idea was fully about.
So, this is for those of us like me – somersaulters and those who strolled in but still need a reminder every now and again.

The perks: Motherhood has got some serious perks I dare say. You can’t put a price on those lovely warm hugs you receive, unending compliments you never knew your child was capable of giving just because they need seconds on their favourite snacks or Is it those lovely eyes that look at you with so much love that make your heart want to burst? Nothing compares, I say, Nothing to the joys of motherhood.

The tough part: There are  also seemingly unending responsibilities, the fears and the uncertainties of your actions, reactions and inactions form your days and sometimes, you just wonder how you would get through the day. Be rest assured though, you are not alone and neither the worst mother ever regardless of your mistakes. It’s just life. You will win some and loose some. If you can, laugh at your mistakes but one thing’s for sure, tomorrow presents another chance for you to try again.In the midst of this gallant life chosen, you find that you give so much of yourself that you can barely recognise who you are anymore. Don’t fret yet, you are still in there somewhere and ever present. You only need to pay a little more attention to yourself like you once did before the kids came along.

To do this and you need to ‘Take a break’. It is simple, yet effective. I have no idea how else to say this but it’s the first and best advice I will give myself a million times over. You deserve it and when you do this, you do your family a big favour. They truly want to see you happy, relaxed and playful too. Even though Motherhood is a sacrificial calling to serve your family, you cannot be at your best without looking after number one – YOU!
All in all to find yourself remember that;
Firstly, motherhood is going to change you and that change is here to stay. Therefore, embrace it and all it has in store for you.
Secondly, look after yourself. Find time for yourself because such a ‘time’ exists. If you think it does not, it is because you have not tried hard enough. Looking after yourself includes reserving ‘Me’ times, eating the right diet and exercising regularly (a 30/45 minute walk will do) to equip your mind, body and soul for the wonderful tasks ahead that motherhood will present to you.
– then you need to also develop an attitude of gratitude. It goes such a long way in the journey you have embarked upon. Many times, you’ll be tempted to compare yourself with other mothers or express discontentment with how things are in your life. Intentional gratitude will fix such discontentment as it pushes your reset button.
Lastly, you are  doing a great job and let no one tell you differently. Even your mistakes are designed to bring out the best in you, so you need them anyway. You are the sole custodian of your life, children and home until further notice and therefore the expert on your family. Ask yourself honestly, could anyone who is not living your life truly tell you how to live it? You are consequently the expert on your own version of motherhood, so keep it that way. However, by all means, seek advice or a better way of doing things but ultimately, It’s your life, your home, your kids, your choice. Choose to be happy!

 

Mine Ujam writes from the UK

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