Today we have a guest post from a woman who is beautiful in and out. Faced with a childhood full of rejection and a difficult marriage that ended in divorce she was able to brave up and face life with optimism. Joy has made lemonades out of the proverbial lemons life has thrown her and done an awesome job of raising her daughters on her own. Read her story
Motherhood to me, is a calling; an honor bestowed upon womanhood that leaves her daunted and awe- stricken all at the same time. I didn’t see much of my own mother, growing up. I was passed from grandparents to relatives and back to grandparents. To say that I lacked emotional stability is to say the least. I muddled my way through life, second guessing my self at nearly everything and somewhere in the mist of the chaos called my life, I resolved that when I grew up and had children, I was going to be a different kind of mother, the kind that I didn’t have.
So, my grandiose dream of being the coolest mom on the block was born. I often pictured myself as the proverbial soccer mom; the type who loaded her four kids in a nice mini-van and shuttled them between football practice and piano lessons. This was all I ever wanted, I promised myself that I was going to be that mum that I never had. I made good on my promise when I graduated college, got married and began to raise a family almost immediately. Marriage was not kind to me, more so as I entered it with a lot of baggage and a false sense of expectation;I assumed my marriage would fix me in all the areas I was broken and so,eight year later I found myself even more broken, lonely, depressed, ashamed, rejected, dejected, divorced and alone with two young children.
One of my most distinct personality traits is blaming myself whenever something went wrong;I blamed my self for my mother not loving me and wanting to be a part of my life, I blamed myself for my Father’s absence and nonchalance towards me, I blamed myself when my relationships broke down and so here I was again, blaming myself for the demise of my marriage but since I was not given to self pity and nor did I have the luxury of indulging in one, I rolled my sleeves and went to work. I set about making lemonade out of all of the rotten lemons life had dealt me. There were many dark periods during the course of my journey, times when I doubted my strength. There were many nights after I had put my two daughters to sleep, I would sit in the kitchen and weep. There were many days when I worried about money but there was one thing that always propelled me – the promise I made to myself many years ago, that I was going to be that mother that I never had.
Years have passed and things have gotten easier. It’s true that it gets easier as they get older. My girls have gone on to great things. They are both honor roll students at the number one high school in the state of Illinois where we reside. They are both award winning classical pianists, fluent in Chinese Mandarin (see videos) and they both make me very proud. Looking back, I can’t say I was sure of how it was all going to pan out, all I did was hold on to that life long dream of being that mother that I never had.
What a story, well done Joy and more strength to you and the girls!