Guest Post: Musings of a Husband


Tonna is a gifted writer but he claims to have writers block! Anyway I harassed him and finally he has sent me this beautiful piece below. Its a unique look at the of a mans fears before marriage and the reality of life as a married man. Its speaks of honesty, love and passion and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.


I used to be a writer.
Let me rephrase, I used to think I was a writer.
I was working in a foreign country then, knew very few people outside the workplace and had a lot of time on my hands…

I haven’t written anything in 6 years.
6 long years, so no. I am no writer. I am a pretender. A writer in my head only.

Roughly 8 delightful years of my life have come and gone with plenty more to come.
One incredibly sexy Wife. 3 remarkable Kids.
Juliet, Tobenna, Chiemelie and Chimaranma

Chioma has been haranguing me, probably for months now, to write something on spousal relationships. With good cause. She has done well. Prodded me. Little does she know that I have a have a severe disease…something called Writer’s block.

So, out of laziness, I dug out something I wrote 3 weeks to my wedding 8 years ago:

I have gotten ice cold feet about getting married.
No, I did not just develop this now.
It has always been simmering in the background but I’ve managed to push it to the furthest corner of my mind successfully until now.

I’m getting married in about 3 weeks’ time.
3 weeks! 23days and 20hours!!
My life as I know it is about to end!

Now if you ask me what the problem is, or what exactly I’m scared of, I will not be able to give you an answer that makes sense. My excuses can probably only be understood by men.
I have zero doubts about her
She’s my best friend and the sweetest thing to happen to me.
I’m truly lucky to have her to myself for the rest of my life.

But still….
I’m freaking SCARED!

Probing further, I found something else I wrote 60 days into the marriage:

I moved to Lagos and moved all my stuff from my Port Harcourt apartment to a BQ at my parents’ place in Lagos where I’m currently ‘squatting’ with my wife. We are house hunting.

I had no clue that I would be going through all this within this period and frankly, it has been very trying on our relationship. I’d be honest, she is the very best I could hope for. Period.
So, I have said nothing about my wedding and honestly do not intend to say much.
It went well with only minor hiccups compared to what I hear about weddings.
Didn’t tell her about the honeymoon plans until 3 hrs. to the flight which made her really excited.
Dubai was great just like some recommended.
We left Dubai with barely $5 left in our pockets.

I’m a husband now.
There are some things I miss now that I never thought of.
a) I can’t hang out with the boy’s on weekends and do nothing but chase or at least ogle at beautiful women. Ok I can still ogle, but I do that with her. It’s more fun (Only one look though).
b) I can’t just wake up one day and disappear or take a trip, solo, to wherever just as I please.
c) Being on my own.
d) An emotionless relationship with myself & buddies’ hours on end with my PlayStation.

To further tell the truth, my life is a whole lot better.
a) I’m a lot neater (not like I was not before)
b) I have my bath every night (sigh. Morning too!)
c) I have great meals!
d) I have someone I can tell almost anything. A best friend.
e) I do things for people that I would never have done before
f) She has gradually taken over clothing me.

What do you know? I wrote this 6 months into the marriage:

Yes I was actually thinking about it.
I was thinking, do I love my wife?
Was in church a few days ago and the preacher compared the love of man and woman to the love of Christ and the church.

He loved the church unconditionally.
He didn’t say, “you are not reciprocating my love to you, so I’m not loving you anymore”
He bore the absolute humiliation and became man for my sake.
His grace (unmerited favour) is always sure.
I treat him like ‘shit’ but he’s always there when I need him.
He laid down His life for me.

Wives have an easier task (or so I thought) – submit to your husbands.
For husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church.
Forever forgiving. Unquestionably. Regardless.
Even if it means paying the ultimate price.

I felt my eyes water when I thought about this particular love.
Is this really the kind of love I should have towards my wife?
Is this what I feel towards her now?

For almost two weeks now, I have rarely eaten the same meal twice.
I have clean clothes to wear always and have not washed any this year.
Our home is always kept in excellent condition.
When I get back from work after her she welcomes me with a hug/kiss and still go the extra mile we both love. Yes. that one.
We discuss everything from family to work and her advice is sometimes, definitely God sent.
This is just the tip of the iceberg.

And I’m still thinking….

Yes, I’m in love with my wife.


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